I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
