what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
No subtext here. People are naked.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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