In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
