I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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