Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I need water and some morals
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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