haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
