In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
