He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
