i think my tv is drunk
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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