I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize