Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
