My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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