I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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