We won't sleep together?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
