it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
