I'm going to jail i love you
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My vagina is officially offended.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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