Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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