so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
