why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
