Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
