do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My pussy is not your playground.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
