i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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