I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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