I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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