he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
