she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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