I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
