Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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