dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
