you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize