I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
