Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
