Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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