Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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