im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
