I wish I could punch you in the face.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
