just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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