What a fucking waste of an outfit
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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