i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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