apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
