Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
