you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
