she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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