Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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