I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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