Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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