tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
