i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
