How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
