this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
