if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
