Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Randomize
