I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Randomize
