I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize