Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
