Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
