I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
