I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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