So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
