I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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