I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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