Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize