shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
