I want to make a zoo with you.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
